Tuesday, December 29, 2015

I WANT vs I SHOULD....

I want to train for a marathon this Spring....

No I feel like I SHOULD train for a marathon this spring.  This feeling of "should" has been growing in the pit of my tummy over the last month and replacing the happy joyful feeling I have been having at the gym.  I'm older and wiser and have been down this path before and I know this is the first and most important sign that it's time to really think about what I WANT to do.

When I trained for a Spring Marathon this year, I thought long and hard about it.  I took my time and wouldn't even let myself register till I know for sure in my heart that this one would be a WANT.  I ran without my watch and dialled back into the joy of running.  The choice was clear, RUN a 5th Marathon and RUN WITH JOY!  But this time I feel myself WANTING to lift more, looking at strength plans and goals and getting excited.  As the clock ticks to begin Marathon training I find myself feeling sad that I won't be able to give it the same focus.  I believe that strength training is a crucial part of marathon training, but a different kind of strength training.  One that focuses on the running machine.  I'm feel the strongest I have even been right now, and I am enjoying that feeling immensely.  I am loving the pool and swimming.  But the thought of doing less of these things and making my running plan the focus doesn't excite me.  The past couple of weeks I tried to do both, increase my run days and keep up the things I'm enjoying.  I worked out 13 days in a row to fit it all in.  That was stupid.  I'm not going to achieve any of my goals that way.

I'm working on my Marathon Coach Certification so I feel like I SHOULD run one too. Shouldn't a Marathon Coach be running a marathon too? I'm practice coaching 3 people, two for their first Marathons. The funny thing is I think I will have more to give them if I am happy, and focused on their races right now.  This is a learning curve for me and I'm really enjoying the coaching path.  I'm a selfish runner and when I'm training hard I focus on me first.  Did I just say that out loud? LOL.  But it's true and I put my own runs first, which is why I am a solo runner by nature and not much of a group runner.  I think it would be a good thing to have only their Marathons to focus on and coach
and cheer on.

One of the biggest things whispering in my heart that I need to re think my plans and chose wisely is the fact that this year I have found a peace with food and my body.  I'm in this very strange and happy place where I am not focused on counting calories, dieting, losing weight, weighing myself, and swinging from restricting to overeating.  I have found my own happy place of moderation and health. I worry that taking on something that my heart isn't into, that is weighed down with SHOULD will lead me to start feeling other SHOULDS. Like I should lose weight, I should be smaller, I should join your 30 day challenge (couldn't resist lol).

I have this saying in my mind from my good friend Jay, that "if it scares you, you should do it!"  I"m not sure she has actually ever said that to me, but in my mind she has. It scares me to not run a marathon this spring/year.  Will I still be a marathon runner? Will I be a runner? All sorts of stupid thoughts, and that is all they are...stupid thoughts.  I've run 5 marathons, I am a Marathon runner.  If I had run one Marathon I would be a marathon runner.

This year I ran my 5th Marathon with so much joy and happiness, and I reached a 3 year long chase of a PR! I will be forever proud of this moment!
4:15:47 and one of the best moments of my life right here with the Ugly Cry and my Sweet Girls
This year I had butterflies churning in my tummy when I registered for the Marathon Coach Certification and I am putting my heart into it.  I can't wait to see my athletes feel that same Joy and Happiness when they cross the finish line.  

I learned to swim this year and bike two years ago.  The thought of doing a little try a try is starting to give me butterflies.  Maybe just maybe I will try something like that.  

So my plan is to focus on the strength and to try to work on speed in the Half Marathon. I think I can find a nice balance here and work on some new and exciting goals.  Still running but not 26.2 freaking miles lol! I will again some day but not right now. 

I feel like a big weight has lifted writing this.  I can't tell you how important is to keep checking in with yourself and looking at the "shoulds." Too many of them will rob you of your spark. 

I have the butterflies again!!!



5 comments:

  1. Follow your heart, Katie. I've dialed way back on the running and may not do a spring race, either. I'm treading that path right alongside you and it's been good for my soul.

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    1. does feel good for the soul doesn't it <3 Funny how you continue to inspire me in all ways :) thank-you

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  2. As a coach I have learned that I do not need to be an executive or a man or anything to coach the person I am working with. You have run marathons, no need to be running yhem every day. The other thing I have learned is that "Should" is the language of the inner critic and self-saboteur. I love that you made real goals that make your heart sing! Great post!

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    1. awesome advice, thank-you :) feeling much lighter I tell you <3

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  3. As a coach I have learned that I do not need to be an executive or a man or anything to coach the person I am working with. You have run marathons, no need to be running yhem every day. The other thing I have learned is that "Should" is the language of the inner critic and self-saboteur. I love that you made real goals that make your heart sing! Great post!

    ReplyDelete