Thursday, June 25, 2015

Confession....

I have a confession to make, and your going to rap me upside the head for it!

After the Marathon and during the post race crazies I took my scale out again.  DUMB. Everything was fine, started a new strength focus and then last week my weight went up a little.  mmm? got my period.  Ok.  Just numbers and I felt so good in my skin.  My weight was up even more this Monday, no surprise after an indulgent booze and food camping weekend.  But it didn't climb back down to my "normal" this week (I know my weekly ebb and flow from way to long daily scale weighing.)   It went back to last week's slightly higher number.  So this is where that nagging body image yuck has crept in :( BUT I have worked so damn hard to kick its ass.  I have stood butt naked in the mirror and said I love my body, fluffy bits and new rock hard bits and all.  I have looked at pics and said "see healthy and fit girl nothing wrong here move on".  I even wore a bathing suit I haven't worn in years yesterday because I did feel good in my skin! I have not let the number tell me to cut back and restrict, I have not let the number really get a hold in my head.  THIS IS HUGE! a year ago this would have thrown me into a diet tail spin.

This body peace stuff really does work, and I am far from effing perfect, case in point getting back on the scale.  But I've come so far in loving myself.  I'm not hiding the scale again, I kind of like that my mind is fighting back.  I'm curious to see is this my new number? It's just a number.  I've moved from Marathon Training to Strength and Power taking the focus.  I looked back at pics and this is where being a nerd with the selfies pays off.  I see a difference in last years pics and this month.  I see a slightly more "solid" girl now.  I see STRONG. (ok really they look the same, but I swear I see a little more strong)

June 2015 "lift weights faster" plus endurance and speed work, also steady weekend diet of wine debauchery  

Summer 2014, ENDURANCE training for Duathlon, biking and running like crazy! Very little strength work and again steady weekend diet of wine debauchery. 

Yesterday, when I was feeling some of that Body Image Yuck creep in I kicked it's ass to the curb by putting on my shortest booty shorts and short non fluff covering tank top and ran hill sprints up the street (with a moving crew out to see I might add, yikes).  As I powered up the hill I could feel my shorts and top climb and the jiggle.  But I didn't care because all I actually felt was POWERFUL!

 I had an AHA moment then.  I exercise not to punish my body into submission, instead I move my body in POWERFUL ways so that my mind can catch on to that feeling! 




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