Thursday, July 31, 2014
Letting go and moving on
I cut my long run short today almost 12km into a 19km run, I started limping and I knew it was best to just stop. I even called Ryan to come pick me up as I was about a 20 min walk from home. It was a tough run, started off feeling achy all over, mentally wrestling the whole time, and then when my knee started hurting enough that I was limping I knew it was time to stop.
I thought I was in for a great, KILLER, training week. I thought I rested last week on vacation when I forgot my running shoes. I took my first week off running since I started 4-5 years ago (lost count as to when I started lol). I did 6 workouts on vacation, mostly short piyo which isn't very taxing. I did 3 bike rides, but only 1-1.5hrs and overall the whole week was much less intense then normal. I was coming off a 100km ride, maybe that impacted me more then I thought.
Last week was amazing, forgetting my running shoes was a blessing. Not only did I not run, but I didn't worry about my training plan at all. The mental freedom was delicious. I worked out, based on how I felt. Somedays a short 30 min piyo was all I did and that felt great. Other days, it was a fast 1.5 hr bike ride. I felt so good last week. I felt rested.
This week I have dragged my but out of bed, slept in, and had to do my training runs on the dreadmill at the gym. Every "planned training workout" has felt like a chore. Even the piyo I had been loving became too much, I didn't have the energy to tack it onto a run.
Mentally, my head is not in the game. This half iron Duathlon at the end of August, has become a shadow :( I wrote recently about giving myself permission to not do the race, and it's been on my mind a lot this week. Yet I'm afraid to say it out loud and truly quit and give up. I've never done that. I ran my second marathon with an IT band injury and a lot of pain, I ran my 3rd Marathon limping the last 7 miles. I've never given up. I've never not followed through on a race.
But I'm tired. I have had such an incredible summer with my family and friends. I'm enjoying my kids so much and this sweet age that they are in. On a bike ride last week, I told myself that next summer I would not train for any BIG races. I would enjoy the summer with my family and not worry about when to fit in the BIG workouts. I like the half marathon and OLY distances they are much more manageable. The winters are so soul sucking and long and I want to enjoy this as much as possible.
Maybe my mind is catching up with my body, or body is making the decision for me. But, my feet are so sore it has hurt to walk this week. An old recurring foot pain has been bothering me for two weeks. My knees have been tender on all 3 runs this week and I've been limping here and there. I feel beat up.
So I'm saying it here, I'm saying it out loud. I am not going to do the half iron Du. I am letting it go and moving on. I'm going to bike and run as I please, and piyo my heart out :) I'm going to rest and feel better. I"m still going to do the Army Run in Sept, but as a fun run. I am not going to train to PB, just train to run it and enjoy it.
This long weekend I will take my bike and enjoy the Norland roads, and maybe run if I feel well. No BRICK workout, No LONG ASS RIDE, No long run ...all sandwiched together.
When we go camping in two weeks with friends I won't be stressing the up coming race, but instead fully engaged with my family and friends.
The year may not be turning out exactly as I planned, but I am still really really proud of doing my first Olympic Duathlon, running a sub 2hr HOTTER THEN HADES Half in Pelee, doing a 70km and 100km group ride, and most of all I am really really proud of letting this go.
I think this decision is a sign that I am finding balance on this journey to health and happiness. In the past I would have needed to do this race to feel worthy, to feel good about myself. But I am much more confident in my skin and in this happy little life of my mine. My kids will be really really happy because as much as it's "inspiring" to see mom at a race, my being gone for 2+hrs 3 days a week on top of the other workouts does make them sad.
So letting it go, moving forward, and resting tomorrow :)