Wednesday, February 26, 2014

The difference here isn't pounds it's HAPPINESS

It's been about 2 years since I hit the 100 pound weight loss mark.  I maintained it for a year, even lost a little more.  Then I loosened the reins so to speak and gained a little back.  My weight has fluctuated at 90-95 pounds lost mark for the last year.  A couple weeks ago I thought it would be fun to take a comparison photo.

100 pounds lost on the right, today on the right fluctuating at 90-95 pounds lost. 
I don't see a huge difference when I look at these pictures.  Brown hair to blond hair is about the most noticeable.  Taking this picture was a real eye opener for me.  Over the last year I have really been trying hard to let go of the "diet mentality," to let go of the scale, to eat with more of an intuitive style, and most of all TO BE HAPPY and LIVE LIFE in this healthy body of mine.  This picture helps me see that the number on the scale is just that, a number.  It really doesn't mean a lot. 

So what are the differences in these two pictures?  

Well the one on the left, I have more muscle tone in my upper body as I was lifting weights more often and heavier (not yet training for marathons).  My belly had less flub to it as I was eating "cleaner" and not enjoying the wine as much as I do now (hehehe).  But I still favoured the bubble exercise top because of loose skin and yes still some pooch :)  My size 8 jeans fit perfectly and sometimes a size 6 fit too.  

On the right, those size 8 jeans still fit but right out of the wash I need to do the deep lunges and squats to stretch them out a bit!  But hey that's just extra exercise, nothing wrong with that.  I can lay down on the bed and maybe zip up of the size 6 jeans...but who the hell is going to walk around in those?  Who am I kidding I rarely wear "real pants" as it is!  Yoga pants, leggings, heck even PJ pants are where it's at.  

The real differences in these photos you can't see, because they are happening on the inside.  The girl on the right is tracking everything she eats, counting calories, getting on the scale everyday, feeling guilty about food much of the time, and generally spending way to much time and energy thinking about weight!  The girl on the left has slowly but surely been letting go of that, getting on the scale less frequently and when she does not letting it have such a big impact.  Much more of the time I am being intuitive in my eating style, I still track what I eat sometimes but more as a guide and not religiously.  I'm enjoying so many of the foods that I used to think were forbidden.  In doing so those foods have lost much of their power over me.  There is less of a dramatic swing between restrictive eating and free for all eating.  I feel like there is more balance.  I still over do it, but not as often as before, and without the guilt that I used to have.  There is no more "MONDAY SYNDROME" where I will restrict and punish myself come Monday, and until then eat myself silly.  

Most of all, I now feel happy and free most of the time.  My thoughts are not all harnessed toward weight and weight loss.  I'm enjoying my fit and healthy life. I'm enjoying being active with my family and food is part of that.  I love spending a day skiing with the family and then drinking beer and enjoying a good Rueben sandwich and sweet potato fries after.  I love cooking a special family meal like Sushi night, and drinking my wine with Ryan while we prep it.  I feel like food is more of a friend now, and not the enemy.  I'm enjoying exploring new ways to make food, and new foods to eat that are wholesome and nutritious.  I'm really enjoying the recipes on the Oh She Glows blog but at the same time very much enjoy the not so "healthy" stuff too.  
Sushi Night at our house, such fun prepping and sharing the kitchen with Ryan and sipping my wine, laughing and having a good time. 

not as pretty as the sushi place, but it was just as tasty! 


So here I am training hard, enjoying food with vigour, still having some ups and downs, but overall feeling Happy and Healthy.  Life is good, very very good. 

Just a few deep lunges and we are set :) 



7 comments:

  1. YES! THIS is just what I needed today. Thanks you Katie! For being the woman I hope to become. (ok... maybe that sounds a bit creepy but... you know what I mean!) <3

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  2. I loved loved loved this - so much I actually have tears in my eyes. You are such a constant source of inspiration. And Josee, I second that - thank you for being someone who I aspire to be just like (again, not in a creepy way).

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    1. Thank-you Christy, you are a huge source of inspiration for me! :)

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  3. I ADORE YOU! I also didn't "see" a difference in your pics! I do see the change in your heart over the years though! VERY PROUD OF YOU! :)

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  4. I am happy you can find that balance of not having to track and weigh daily. I don't think I can achieve that w/o going in the wrong direction. I have accepted my lifestyle includes tracking and weighing in instead. Is it wrong? I do not know but the result is right so unsure if wrong or right fits.

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    1. Gary I don't think there is anything wrong with it, I think we have to find what works for us. I wasn't happy, and felt "weighed down". I struggled so so many years with eating disorder though, my brain is wired funny, and losing that much weight even in a healthy manner, brought me to close to my old ways. So I feel like I am always doing a dance, of finding that safe balance. Know what I mean? I think tracking and weighing etc works for many people, and helps them maintain long term. It's all about finding your own way isn't it :)

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