Monday, June 24, 2013

My Trusty Canadian Tire Special

My 8 year old, squeaky creaky bike....she's not fancy but she gave me a fabulous 33.37 KM bike ride this am!

I woke up this morning feeling very blah.  My foot has been hurting again (on going problem that I've had for over a year that goes away when I take a little rest from impact).  I was feeling down about not being able to run, I didn't do a long run this weekend and I suspect I will take the week off of running too.  Weights were off the table today seeing as I could barely sit up in bed (50 atomic push ups in Sat's Filthy Fifty have my core cursing! and my shoulder's aching).  I thought about hitting the gym for a spin class when inspiration struck me and I got my husband's old bike out (my matching old bike needs a serious tune up).  I needed to be outside today, not stuck in a gym.  I was a little worried the Old Boy, an eight year old Canadian Tire Special, wouldn't be up to the distance but Ryan was working from home and I had my phone on me incase I needed rescue (its happened before lol).

The brakes squeak something fierce, and the whole thing makes noise when I peddle...but it feels like I'm flying once I get going.  I took my bike out on my 20 mile run route, it felt a little heart flopping to think I will soon be running that route again!  Must admit it's much more fun zooming by on a bike then  running.  Part of my ride was on the greenbelt trails and the trails by the Nepean Sportsplex (about 11km of trails on my ride).  I love riding on the trails, the smell of the trees and nature, the dirt flying, the small rolling hills, the winding paths.  I can't ride as fast having to navigate the turns and there is a lot more breaking involved but its fun and engaging.  I felt like a kid! The time flew by and before I knew it I was home having covered 33. 7 KM on my first bike out, and in 1 hr 29 min :) Not to shabby for this old bike.  Best part is I was a sweaty, dirt splattered, happy, endorphin mess! With no impact on my foot.  

See dirty knees! I have dirt freckles!  
I felt great on the ride, but man oh man was I surprised when I got off the bike and my legs were JELLO!!  I am trying to imagine doing a DUATHLON and running after a longer bike ride?  CRAZY! and I can't wait to try it really soon!

So I need a bike, like a proper bike.  I mentioned it to Ryan in a blurr of sweaty high when I got home and he didn't say no...  So I'm going to talk to him about it some more and see if perhaps I can get myself a decent middle of the road bike to log some miles on this summer. Perhaps even do a Duoathlon in Sept/Oct.  One thing is for sure I am going to do a lot more riding this summer, as cross training in my Marathon Plan.  

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Running 'Nekked'

pretty washi tape to cover the time and pace on my Garmin
The month of June is supposed to be my 'recovery' month, after the May Race Weekend and before training for the Toronto Marathon starts.  It's like a taper month? In that I am always worrying if I am doing enough or too much?  Every ache and pain sends me into panic that I won't be able to run Toronto. (I think I am gun shy of the TO race having been injured last year with an IT Band issue).

So I've kept up my long runs...8-10 miles trying to keep a base, and have been running them easy, slower then my long runs for the May half.  I've been running them after 2-3 glasses of wine the night before LOL!  I need to cut the wine out when training starts at least the night before :)  I've been keeping to about the usual 3 runs a week...and doing a moderate tempo and a little speed work (a fast 5km or some track work).  Overall the intensity of my runs is much less, so I think I'm doing a good job of cutting back.  
First time on the track since High school last week, YIKES! Getting ready for K2J Fitness in July
The Run Less Run Faster program I used for May Race Weekend, worked and allowed me to get faster and PR.  But it was also an intense program and at times stressful because EVERY RUN had a pace goal.  Even my long 'slow' run had a pace goal.  Watching my Garmin for pace has become even more ingrained in me then before.  My 'restful' June has me going out for runs and stressing over whether I am going fast enough, and if I am even capable of doing what I did last month.  So last night I headed out NEKKED!  I had planned on going without my Garmin, but man that's like COLD TRUKEY! So I used some pretty washi tape and covered up the time and pace.  I wanted to know, NEEDED to know how far I had run.  It took me awhile to settle into the run, I felt anxious and tempted to look at my watch.  I eventually let it go and just ran what felt nice and easy and good on my body.  It was a beautiful sunny coolish evening for a run.  I didn't even have a set distance in mind...just thought I would make it up as I went.  My legs felt a little tight at points during my run, and my left knee was a twinge I really didn't push it..I tried to just be easy and fluid.  But my silly mind kept going back to the mantra.."your not going fast enough".  ughh I hate that I do that.  Overall, I would say the run was more relaxing and enjoyable then any midweek run I have had in ages!  When I got home I admit shamefully that I tore the tape off to see what my average pace was.  ADDICT! 

I had a massage yesterday to help workout all the tightness etc.  Man oh man I sounded like I was giving birth.  OUCH!  What hurt the most was my back surprisingly. Lifting heavy and doing Crossfit is FELT! Part of my June plan was to lift heavier, to do the things I don't do strength wise when training for a race because I need my legs to work, and needing a crane to get off the potty doesn't bode well for a 7 mile tempo run.  My thinking was that building muscle and strength would help protect me going into the run intense months ahead.  (I will still strength train but with TRX and bodyweight).  But I am questioning the sanity of this now, as my knee has been a bit achy on the last two runs, and my Quads and IT Band are wound tight again.  So my plan is to just be aware, back off when needed, and maybe even not do a long run this weekend and do a long spin class instead.  Last week I took TWO DAYS OF REST (I know Gasp)! I also did an active recovery day and did a yoga workout, so I think I am finding a balance between working hard and resting.  

Next weekend I am at my parent's with all of my family for the long weekend, and I am tempted very tempted to ease off all the workouts that long weekend and rest and enjoy.  I remember doing that a couple months ago and feeling amazing for the rest.  The timing works well as I officially start Marathon training when we get back.  So will I do it? LOL.  We will see :)

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Crossfit Humble

I have a month before 'official marathon' training begins again and I am having some fun mixing up my workouts.  2 weeks ago I joined my husband at his 'box' to try my first ever Crossfit class.  We got a babysitter and made it a 'sweaty date night'.  I admit I was a wee bit nervous heading in, but was put at ease instantly upon meeting the fellow crossfitters.  They were so friendly and welcoming.  Of course it helped that I met one of my 'online friends' Amy in real life there.  That was pretty neat! 

The class was so different from anything I have ever done before.  The strength portion of the class was  a bench press that day, 3 reps.  We had 20 min to work on that.  I've only ever lifted heavy enough to do 6 reps.  So this was HEAVY for me.  It took a bit of trial and error to figure out my 3 rep max.  Which was a lot less when I did it PROPERLY and had the bar touch my chest LOL!  I really enjoyed the strength part of the class. It made me feel pretty #badass!   Next up was the WOD (workout of the day) an AMRAP  (as many reps as possible) of dumbbell snatches, pull ups (I used a band), and Pistol Squats.  I struggled with the form and technique on the snatches.  I just couldn't get it down pat in that class but I did my best with my crappy form.  I loved the pull ups with the band.  I felt so strong and mighty the first 6 reps.  After that they got very messy!  The pistol squats were awesome, we used a 'band/rope' for support and were almost the same as doing them with the TRX.  I was a happy sweaty mess at the end of the class.  My arms felt the pull ups for the next couple of days, which was a happy sort of hurt.  

I enjoyed it so much that we booked the babysitter again, and I joined hubs again the following week.  My friend Christy joined me, another REAL LIFE encounter!  We got to class a bit early and I wanted to give these famous box jumps a try.  I have done them at the gym on a step...I think piled up to 6 steps? but I start at 2, and add on building up confidence.  I looked at the 'women's box' and thought that's not very high, I can do that.  I stood in front of it and all of sudden I swear my heart rate went from 56 to 156!  I couldn't do it!  My legs wouldn't move! I did a few step ups thinking some momentum movement would ease the fear..NOPE!  My husband was laughing 'WITH' me from behind. Nice one Ryan :)  I abandoned my box jumping for another day and waited for my HR to come back down and class to start.  The strength portion of this class was the Olympic Jerk? I can't remember..was it a clean?  All these new terms confuse me.  The instructor was kind enough to break the movement down for me and I worked on my technique with a light weight.  While I struggled to figure it out and put it together.  My friend Christy was rocking the biggest round tire size plates on her bar! #inspired! Pretty soon Amy followed suit and beefed up her bar too!  I stayed on the 'diet plate' plan.  Little wee plates that barely lifted the bar of the ground.  A friendly guy helped give me some advice on form, and I explained that I was having trouble breaking my BODY PUMP mentality.  He laughed and said that explained a lot :) The other portion of this class was Toes to Bar...or in my case knees to elbows (most of the time).  I loved this move!  I loved chalking up my hands, that just makes you feel professional!  I loved how strong I looked in the mirror hanging from the bar knees pulling up to elbows.  I avoided looking at the area that looked like I was ready to give birth LOL.  

The WOD that class was 5 rounds of the "clean"? or was that "jerk"?, the Toes-to-Bar, and Wall Balls. I left the little plates on my bar.  I loved this WOD. Even though my form and technique leave much to be desired on the first exercise I felt much more capable then with the previous weeks snatch.  I did my best and focused on moving from station to station.  It's an awesome endorphin rush! 

By the time the class was done my hands felt raw and I had wee blisters.  The next day my sides by rib cage ached, my wrists were sore, my legs were tight.  I felt awesome!

So Crossfit?  I can see why people get hooked on this.  It's very empowering, and its done in such a supportive environment.  I love that you can see personal gains in time, strength, technique week after week.  That's a wealth of motivation right there! I love that I have gotten to experience first hand how challenging the workouts are.  I have a new found appreciation for Ryan and his dedication to this.  I also love that it's taught me that I have a lot to work on, areas to get stronger in.  Crossfit was humbling in a sweet humble pie dessert kind of way.  

I have to admit I'm intrigued, I want to do more.  Going back again this week.  Question is do I give up my GL membership and join the Crossfit 613? How does it fit into my schedule?  and more importantly how does it work with my marathon goal for October?  So right now I'm going to enjoy a class when I get to it, and when at the gym training on my own I am going to employ some of the things I have learned there.  ie.  using the band for pull ups rather then the pull up assist machine.  Lifting much heavier weights etc.  Changing my TRX training to employ more 'density' workouts.  

2 more weeks till operation "Toronto Marathon" and my goal is to have FUN while building some muscle to protect me for the upcoming run intense program.  

Could there be a little extra bump on my arms from Pull Ups?  
My children think its hilarious that I take these pictures

Monday, June 10, 2013

Stay At Home Mom Anxiety

My daughter and I have been having a tough go of late.  About 3 weeks ago she started having anxiety about going to school.  My once happy go lucky, skip to class, choose to go to school when not feeling well little girl dreaded going to school in the am.  It started with "my tummy hurts, my throat is sore" and I would send her to school saying that if she really didn't feel well she could call home.  I got 2 calls home that week (thankfully right after I finished my morning runs), the calls home coincided with her teacher being away and having a sub.  Her whole personality was different that week, timid, shy, sad, clinging.  She wasn't herself.  I was worried something had happened with her friends, had someone hurt her?  It was really hard to get her to tell me what was wrong.  The second day she called me, I found her in tears in the school office.  I knew at this point she wasn't sick and that some kind of anxiety was at play.  So I took her to her favorite cupcake shop at 9:45 am and tried to coax it out of her.

She said school was different.  That it was hard.  She's used to things coming pretty easily to her, and get's frustrated when things get hard.  She said that her teacher was away a lot.  Her teacher was pregnant and has since left on bed rest.  I think the biggest concern for her was not knowing what to expect when she got to school, would her teacher be there?  She had grown attached to her.  I was able to get a meeting with her teacher that afternoon, so we could talk about how Kay was feeling and help her feel better.  Her teacher is amazing, I adore her, and told Kay that things are harder because she's doing grade 2 work, because she is smart.  Kay said she doesn't feel smart anymore.  Her teacher helped reassure her that she's doing great.  She helped her get excited about the next morning.  Kay left the meeting looking like a weight had been lifted.  But an hour later she was back to anxious and even told me she was having a hard time not thinking about school and being scared.  Her tummy hurt more. I tried my best that evening to help her.  I took her to a boardwalk to walk in nature and relax.  We read the kissing hand that night, I gave her a necklace to wear of mine that would remind her of me at school.  The next morning was horrible though, I had to stand with her, her head buried in my chest. Her friends tried to cheer her up, but it didn't help.  When the bell rang I had to drag her in and hand her off to her teacher, prying her fingers off my coat.  My heart was breaking.  I left the school with my own anxiety beating strong.  I went to the gym and starred at my phone waiting to get a call from the school.  I thought I was off the hook and then got a call as I was picking kasey up from JK.  I went into the school and saw her in the office.  I wanted to take her home but knew that wasn't the right thing to do.  I gave her a pep talk...a big hug and sent her back.  She looked so brave walking back to class.

It was then I though I am so very lucky to be a stay at home mom.  That I was able to be there, when she needed me.  That I can drop her off each morning and pick her up.  That I was able to get her that one morning and take her out for cupcakes.  That I don't have a 'job' in the way of doing that.  I felt really good.  I felt like even though things were tough, I was being MOM and that was really good.  I felt like my mom, 'Marmie' and how she always made me feel better.

Its been 3 weeks of dealing with Kay's anxiety.  Every morning the sore tummy aches start around 6am.  If I am leaving to train a client at 6:30am (I'm home by 7:48am) she's upset and extra anxious.  The anxiety re me leaving to train starts the night before.  I've had to stand in the school yard every morning coaxing her into school. She's made a break away a few times!  Her teacher is on bed rest, the week she left was very hard and sad.  Her new teacher is great and kay loves her but that hasn't eased the morning transitions.  I've taken Kay out on a mommy and daughter evening.  I've been patient.  I've been loving.  I've lost my temper a bit too and told her to suck it up Butter Cup :(  I feel guilty that Kasey is getting the short end of the stick.

Then this morning, Monday morning it all starts 6AM!  My heart starts fluttering. My anxiety is up just thinking about it all.  The morning progresses with more and more whining about not feeling well.  She says she feels like she is going to barf.  My chest feels like its tight and my heart is racing.  This is not good.  I'm making her school lunch when she starts crying and laughing.  SHE POOPED HER PANTS! Yep...she has the runs.  She's sobbing and kind of laughing (in our house poopng your pants if kind of funny).  I'm thinking I can't send her to school what if she craps her pants!?  Is she sick. She had two bday parties the day before.  Has her anxiety gotten so bad it upset her tummy that much? So she stayed home.  It was a very quiet, boring, and whiny day.  (insert SHOOT ME NOW).  It took me till noon hour for my own anxiety to leave and to be replaced with lack of patience and grumps.

 I don't feel like the 'happy nurturing stay at home mom' anymore.  I am tired.  I feel drained.  I'm dreading another morning.

 I'm hoping we figure this out.  That it get's better.  People have told me its not uncommon at this time of year.  I want my happy girl back.

3 more weeks of school.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Learning to love my flabby bits :)

I woke up this morning feeling good!  I mean put on my short short pace setter skirt and bounce about like I just don't care good!  Something has clicked in the last month.   I feel good about my body right now.  I feel fit, healthy and most of all happy.

While working at home today, I took my shirt off and worked out in my bra and skirt.  How Liberating! Even though I could see my stomachs hanging down while in plank I felt GOOD!

I feel so good about ALL OF ME that I am going to do something really brave and share my flubby bits to show you that you can be ok with ALL of yourself.

So this is me in my fav workout outfit, wearing my signature BUBBLE top, I like them because they hide the flubby tummy.  But wait for it....

Not so bad, sort of holding it in...
ok really holding it in...
Back happy with...there was one rolls of back flab back there....
Ok here it goes...there's the pouch...really wish I could at least carry my keys in there and ipod while running? 
And the WHAT THE FARK IS THAT? is that a tongue? a boob? no that's my flubby tummy hanging out in downward dog.  That took skill to take that pic I tell you! 
Don't let the pouch fool you, there are abs of steel under there!  Seriously you should see me rock the plank and swing around like a monkey in the TRX.  

This is the soft bit on me that my daughter Kasey loves to put her hands on for comfort and that wiener dog uses as a can that not be loved?

Seriously, I can't tell you how much better I feel about myself of late.  I'm working on taking the best care of myself as I can.  I've been focusing on my nutrition again.  But not in a cut back type of way,  in a how can I best fuel this body of mine way. I've been using My Fitness Pal again with success.  I've been eating an average of about 2100-2300 cals a day, and well to be truthful a lot more on the weekends (I do love my wine).  But its not the the calorie count that matters it's what I am eating that matters, and I've been power packing the nutritious foods in during the week. I still need to find a bit more balance on the weekends between enjoying wine and some treats and not going overboard.

I could say that much of that hanging pouch is what losing 95 pounds looks like, excess skin and all.  But there's fat there too and a good bit of it.   I suspect I could change the look of my abs with a "cleaner diet" and gasp no wine!  But in all honesty I don't want to go to the extremes that I would need to get those abs.  My mind doesn't work well there. And the thing is I am happy with my body, as close as I likely will get with being confident naked and not having surgery or drastic diet changes.  (I think it's ok to choose those things, they just aren't for me).

I do have work to do, I need to rein the WINE TRAIN in,at the seemingly many social events on my calendar.  I need to find the balance between enjoying and not over indulging.  I feel like I am figuring that stuff out.

I have come so very far from the girl that once avoided the mirror at all costs, and when she did look, only looked at herself with one eye open.  Now I can look, jiggle my belly, and smile :)