Saturday night Ryan and I went to the movies, my plan was to keep my mind off the race and relax. We watched 'Fast and the Furious 6" I still can't tell who has a thicker neck Vin or the Rock? lol. We even had our nuun and pretzels, my pre race ritual, while watching the movie.
Sunday morning I was up before my alarm, eager and ready to go. I was dressed, packed and ready really early. I had filled up all my bottles, carefully double checked and triple checked my supplies. (this is important!).
Ryan and I headed to the race with our friend Jenn who was also running the half. The weather was better then I thought it would be, not to cold and not to windy yet. We parted ways and I headed to my corral. The corral was PACKED..not even at Disney was it this packed. I had no elbow room. The good thing was that it created a blanket of people to keep me warm, since I had ditched my throw away long sleeve. I had about 15 min to wait...nerves running high...and then.....GO!
Only my garmin didn't start properly, I crossed the start line and it hadn't picked up satellite (Garmin Forerunner 210 is really giving me grief!) It felt like I fiddled with it in panic for the first 5 min...it was actually only a minute give or take. But it was enough to lose an accurate capture of what my time was, enough so that coming into the finish line I had no idea if I was a seconds off or minutes off my time. (insert major grrr).
My plan for this race was to REFRAIN, SUSTAIN, and HERE COMES THE TRAIN! I had a plan for pace for the first 3 miles, 7 miles, and last 3 miles.
The actual theme for the race was more like this:
OH CRAP!....SH#T!!...RUN...GOING TO FAST BUT ITS OK...YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME....PANIC....RUN....WALL...KEEP GOING!
Just like the Manotick Road Race I started off too fast, I was running my sustain pace in the refrain portion. I was nervous and put off by my garmin troubles. But I felt great so I thought just go with it you'll be fine. At the 4 mile point I reached for my Gel Flask for my first of two fuels and it was gone! I LOST MY FUEL FLASK! I was in shock...how did that happen. (sadly I had packed two extra gels in my bag in the CAR, I should have had them in my belt). I panicked, I did, and then I calmed down. I told myself you can run 16km without fuel no problem. You can do this! You have lots of flub Katie, it better break down and fuel you! (too bad I was going to fast for fatty acid oxidation lol). Time to see how hard you trained and go for it! Give it what you have.
I was doing ok with maintaining my sustain pace. I hit the 10km split at 52:04. But by 12km I was losing speed, I was still anxious and worried about the fuel. The second half of the race I struggled mentally and then physically I hit an energy wall. My legs were heavy and I didn't feel like I had ummph to turn my legs over at the pace I wanted. It was a push to keep my 'slower' pace. The last push home, the last 3 miles where I was supposed to be A TRAIN...felt much more like a broken down old car. I saw the 750 meters sign and tried to sprint...thinking of all my sprint training...and my legs would not turn over...I was struggling.
This is where I get mad at myself....it hurt. I didn't push past the hurt. In my mind I had resigned to not meeting my sub 1:50 goal...I thought I was a couple minutes off it (garmin trouble remember) if I had known I had 37 sec! I would have pushed. I know me...I would have given it my all. Full disclosure here...I gave up! I was running hard, and hurting...but I wasn't giving it every last inch because I thought I failed.
This isn't a new thing, this is the mindset that holds me back and where I self sabotage myself. Regardless of Garmin troubles and Fuel issues I let myself give up. I crossed the finish line and instead of being happy that I just ran my fastest half marathon ever! and PR'd I was defeated and sad. I felt flat.
I sat on the grass, shivering and shaking in my foil blanket, just flat. Thankfully, I have amazing support and my friends online told me to shake it off and be proud. Even though I was still beating myself up they cheered me up.
Official Sports Stats time 1:50:36!
37 stinking seconds away from sub 1:50! Later I realized my garmin had me at 1:49:44 for 13.19 miles...thanks to zig zagging I had hit 13.1 before the finish line so technically I did get it. Yes this makes me feel better, sad to say it's the way I am hard wired. Now to get a sub 1:50 on the all mighty Sports Stats! WINK :)
I waited on the grass for Jenn and Ryan, shivering and cramping up. I took a picture of the crazy muscle cramps in my calfs. Yep I'm a doorknob :) But yeah they are kind of bad cool? no?
I saw Jenn come in and she rocked it pushing hard right to the end, she told me Ryan had hurt his knee. I forgot all about my own silly troubles and focused on waiting for him. Poor guy's knee went out 12km in and had to walk/run the rest. I'm so proud of him for finishing and not giving up. Funny how we are more proud of those moments then we are off sailing into a great finish.
|I love this guy so much :)|
I've had the night to digest the day's race. This morning I saw a friend's picture on Facebook of her at the finish line getting her medal, with a huge smile and look of pride on her face. It struck me then how silly I am. That's how I should have felt. I'm ridiculously hard on myself. It's the way I'm built, I don't think I can change it. It's also why I push hard and keep on pushing to try harder next time. But I am learning after my initial "woes" to let it go, be proud and carry on.
I am so lucky to be able to do what I love, to be physically able, uninjured, and have the support that I do. Number one being my amazing husband and friends.