|This is the link for the pic and FB page called Body Image Movement|
These are not your typical before and after shots. I was so struck by how happy, and beautiful she looks in the AFTER picture. I also see so much more confidence in her then in the BEFORE.
These pictures came at the perfect time, because I had just looked at my race pictures online from Zoom Photo and cringed. All happiness at achieving a personal best in the Half Marathon forgotten. My immediate thoughts were something like this:
"my I've gotten thicker, I look fat, how did I run that fast and be that heavy? I really need to get serious about losing weight! I need to get on track. I should start counting calories again. Monday! On Monday I will get serious."
All of these thoughts were going through my head at the exact moment I clicked on this picture. Then they went away. I was totally overcome with emotion when I saw this picture. How...HOW...do I get there? This is my goal. To sit in my full beauty like this, happy, confident and feeling beautiful. I want to look at my own soft places, and curves with the admiration that I look at her. I want this to be my Ever After.
I don't want to feel the way I have been feeling of late. Last week I found myself in tears, trying on clothes to go out somewhere feeling like nothing looked "good". Luckily my amazing husband was there with hugs and words of love. I told him its hard, so hard. I feel like so often I am being bombarded with messages that tell me I am not good enough the way that I am. That I am not strong enough if I don't have visible definition in my muscles. Messages that tell me that what I eat is dirty because it's not "CLEAN" and I guess then that my soft middle isn't clean. (that's why I like to think of whole food eating vs. "clean eating") I know I'm just being sensitive and its my own insecurities at work. I worry that having gained some weight will mean I won't achieve my race goals, yet here I am getting faster. I need to let go, I don't want the life that comes with the traditional "After". I want the my Ever After, with my happy beautiful family and happy and healthy mom.
I went to bed with a change of focus and woke with a renewed spirt to honour my self and my body the best I can. To honour myself by moving and exercising, eating healthful nutritious food, learning to listen to my hunger cues (ie. stop when your full and eat when your hungry!), drink less wine on the weekends but not cut it out. I wasn't going to "diet", or cut out carbs, or count calories. I was going to do my best.
Then while at the gym today, lifting weights I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I was taken aback! That fit pretty girl in pink, that's me! I wasn't horrified or critical of my reflection. I was happy. I almost cried right there. My perspective is changing....
|trying to take a pic without looking like I am taking a pic, that's my I'm checking FB look :)|
This is my Ever After