Monday, April 22, 2013

My AFTER

Yesterday evening a friend of mine shared this picture online.  She posted the picture exactly when I needed to see it.  Here's the inspiring picture:

This is the link for the pic and FB page called Body Image Movement

These are not your typical before and after shots.  I was so struck by how happy, and beautiful she looks in the AFTER picture.  I also see so much more confidence in her then in the BEFORE.  

These pictures came at the perfect time, because I had just looked at my race pictures online from Zoom Photo and cringed.  All happiness at achieving a personal best in the Half Marathon forgotten.  My immediate thoughts were something like this:

"my I've gotten thicker, I look fat, how did I run that fast and be that heavy? I really need to get serious about losing weight! I need to get on track.  I should start counting calories again. Monday!  On Monday I will get serious."

All of these thoughts were going through my head at the exact moment I clicked on this picture.  Then they went away.  I was totally overcome with emotion when I saw this picture.  How...HOW...do I get there?  This is my goal.  To sit in my full beauty like this, happy, confident and feeling beautiful.  I want to look at my own soft places, and curves with the admiration that I look at her.  I want this to be my Ever After.  

I don't want to feel the way I have been feeling of late. Last week I found myself in tears, trying on clothes to go out somewhere feeling like nothing looked "good".  Luckily my amazing husband was there with hugs and words of love.  I told him its hard, so hard.  I feel like so often I am being bombarded with messages that tell me I am not good enough the way that I am.  That I am not strong enough if I don't have visible definition in my muscles.  Messages that tell me that what I eat is dirty because it's not "CLEAN" and I guess then that my soft middle isn't clean.  (that's why I like to think of whole food eating vs. "clean eating") I know I'm just being sensitive and its my own insecurities at work.  I worry that having gained some weight will mean I won't achieve my race goals, yet here I am getting faster.  I need to let go, I don't want the life that comes with the traditional "After".  I want the my Ever After, with my happy beautiful family and happy and healthy mom.  

I went to bed with a change of focus and woke with a renewed spirt to honour my self and my body the best I can.  To honour myself by moving and exercising, eating healthful nutritious food, learning to listen to my hunger cues (ie. stop when your full and eat when your hungry!), drink less wine on the weekends but not cut it out.   I wasn't going to "diet", or cut out carbs, or count calories.  I was going to do my best.

Then while at the gym today, lifting weights I caught a glimpse of my reflection.  I was taken aback! That fit pretty girl in pink, that's me!  I wasn't horrified or critical of my reflection.  I was happy.  I almost cried right there.  My perspective is changing....

trying to take a pic without looking like I am taking a pic, that's my I'm checking FB look :) 

This is my Ever After




5 comments:

  1. You are beautiful, healthy and strong, you are my and others inspiration and motivation.

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    Replies
    1. Thank-you Allyson, you inspire me too :)

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  2. What a great post. I don't have those same body image struggles (I struggle more with my skin and breakouts, ugh) but that is probably something to my detriment, because I don't see "the creep" and boom, suddenly I am back to where I was previously without realising it. So maybe harness the good side of your knowledge of your own body and know that is where you get that motivation to keep at it. Could I borrow some of your determinedness?!

    Also, can I highly recommend the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown to you? I'm only halfway through and loving it. We're discussing it at book club in 2 parts and it is so moving. I think it will speak to you. Here's her Ted talk about the topic http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

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  4. http://flowerpatchfarmgirl.blogspot.ca/2013/05/about-girl.html I thought about you when I read this post - maybe you'd enjoy this book?

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