Thursday, February 7, 2013

Gaining weight, and A OK with it.

I was afraid this day would come...the day the number on the scale passed back onto the other side of 100 pounds lost...

...I thought ALARM BELLS would ring, lights would start flashing, there would be a knock at the door from the weight police...

Funny thing, nothing happened.  If truth be told I have been hovering just over the line since Christmas.  I have been slowly letting go.  NOT LETTING GO of my body, but letting go of the worry, the stress, the weighty thoughts.  

Its been about 2 weeks now that I have been trying to put attuned eating into practice.  I have a lot of learning yet to do, finding my balance.  I still over eat at times, I still find myself panicking that said over indulgence is going to send me pack into the 200 plus zone.  Then I put on my rational hat and realize that I am over eating far less then I used too.  That my old habits of being very restrictive during the week and overeating on the weekends to maintain my weight actually resulted in far more indulgence.  Where as now I have a much more "even keel" flow to my nutrition (including wine and choc).  I think the panic comes from not having that I am going to "restrict" to make up for said indulgence mindset.  Now when I overeat, I tell myself to pay attention and eat when your NEXT HUNGRY...not to continue overeating, not to restrict, to just eat when your hungry again.  I believe our bodies are smart and that if I can trust it, it will find its healthy and happy set point.  I believe that my healthy, sweaty, active self will find a way to best fuel my body and meet my emotional needs too. 

Sweaty Self after this morning's TRX workout,  about 6-8 pounds up from lowest weight....I think those those extra pounds are well worth the happiness and balance I am finding.   

Awesome arm pit shot, glad I shaved recently!  Yes sucking in for dear life (I mean CORE on!)...but ok with the mommy pooch...and YES THESE ABS WERE MADE IN THE KITCHEN! And I'm a damn good cook :) wink choc chips and all. 

Sometimes, I worry about sharing so much of what goes on in my head on my blog.  Aren't I supposed to be confident and strong and perfect?  I'm a "personal trainer" I should have all this figured out!  But the truth is I am a just a woman, who has struggled, still trying to find her way and help others while doing it.   If I can learn from my journey and in some way help someone else find their happiness then that's mission accomplished. 


  1. Last summer, I came home from my first visit out to Saunder's Farm for your class so full of energy and excitement that my husband just started to laugh. Then I told him about you. How inspiring you were, for me. You've been where I am/was. You've seen what a monumental effort it is to get butt in gear and try new things, to have kids and life and craziness when you are trying your best to be fit and healthy.

    You understood what I was going through, and that was what I needed, right then, to break through that mental barrier of "I want" to "I can". I thought "Finally, a PT that isn't a 20 year old skinny girl who has NO CLUE what my life is like".

    That class, that day (and yes I am being dramatic) was what my husband and I call "Kaboom Moments" where your life is changed.

    I am not even kidding.

    I loved that you have a real life and share it willingly, and are not trying to project the "perfect" body/mind (does that exist?). I LOVE that you can experience mental attitude adjustments right along side your clients,(and friends). That is cred, right there. That makes people like me feel like it can be done. You did it, then so can I!

    Ok... Loved this post, seriously loved. I want fluffy hugs next time I see, you, ok?

  2. cue water works :) Thank-you...I often think how happy I am you came to class that day and that we have become friends, very thankful

  3. Katie...I mean have always just "put it out there" for everyone to see.. it's who you are and it's what I appreciate most about your journey... your thought process, the changes in your thought processes..the acceptance of yourself as you are...the goals, the challenges and the triumphs.. all shared here for everyone... even the armpit shot.
    You are contagious...not at all like this virus I've had for almost 2 months. It's destroyed my motivation, my confidence and I almost feel like all the hard work I've done these past 10 months was for nothing.. But then I read your post about gaining 6 lbs.. you're ok... you're good to go...I've gained 6lbs, and I'm trying to be ok with it... sharing helps... your sharing really helps...
    Sometimes all I need to read is a post of yours and I get up and put my gym stuff on and can head out the door... trying to do that today...
    Keep sharing...
    Always keep sharing...xx

  4. Thank-you Dorrie :) You have had a rough rough go..not just you being sick but Grace getting her concussion :( I can totally see how motivation would be hard to dig into....but I KNOW you have it :) don't fret the weight bit...that's not important in the big picture...just go have fun...go do your favourite workout or go see that hot trainer of've got this! I truly think the arrival of spring will help us all too.

    Thank-you so much for your support :)

  5. You help me so much with your blog. You help me in life, thank you for putting it all out there. No one is perfect, we are all work in progress and your progress in inspirational.

  6. I do maps, sketches and plot out where all the residents live. I plan nearby towns and landscape. I often cheat and mimic a town I know and sometimes just set my stories in real places. One of those international bloggers so I won't enter the comp.
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