Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Race Bib Mini Album: A year of racing

A little something SCRAPPY to share with you :)  I made this album out of my race bibs, and it holds some very special memories from 2012.  I added the Disney Marathon to it even though I ran it this January, but in truth it feels like it belongs to 2012.  The work, sweat and tears certainly belonged to 2012.  I'm hoping to have many more memories for this year's album.  

I tied my Disney shoe laces to the album rigs, and the i run 42.2 button is from May Race Weekend

My May Marathon Race Chip from my shoe

My blog post is in this envelope 

My best MARATHON :)

forgot to add my power songs lol

Had to add Kelly's picture!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Practicing Attuned Eating (well trying)

I started a course last week on "Disordered Eating in Active and Sedentary Individuals." I thought it was a nice compliment to my background working with ANAB (the Anorexia and Bulimia Association) from years ago and my general interest in helping women feel their very best selves.  Truthfully, I was also interested in it myself.  Wanting to learn more about how to ditch this "diet mentality" and move forward to my healthiest and happiest self.

The course describes a way of eating called Attuned Eating.

Attuned Eating is: Eating based on the body's internal cues for eating. To determine what, how much, and when to eat, the individual checks in with the body's signals of hunger, satiety, and appetite. They temper this information with a bit of scientific knowledge of what the body needs. In the scientific literature, attuned eating is often called internally regulated, nonrestrained eating. (http://www.hkeducationcenter.com/courses/hf-sn314/gloss.cfm)

The course goes on to describe how eating to meet your physical and emotional needs is important.  I really liked this way of thinking.  It reminded me of the book "Women, Food, God" by Geneen Roth.  A book I loved.

So based on what I read and where I am right now, I walked away with these general principals that I wanted to try applying to myself.  (this is not what the course suggests, just my own personal take away, based on my own path).

1.  Eat when Hungry, and Stop when Full and Satisfied.
2.  Pay attention to cues of hunger...am I thinking of food, how does my tummy feel?,  when did I last eat?, what am I hungry for, how do I feel etc? If I'm hungry eat...choose something that meets your nutrition needs and is something you enjoy.
3. When eating try to eat till full and satisfied.  (don't stop before, and don't go past full)
4.  Think about all the things your body needs and through out the course of the day make sure to eat those things, (veg, fruits, dairy, protein etc...) But also include things like chocolate.  Frankly Chocolate meets an emotional need for me, and as long as I am hungry when I eat it and stop when satisfied (ie. usually a few squares not a whole choc bar and then more because I feel guilty) I feel that fits my attuned eating ideal.
5. There will be times you overeat, it happens, its ok.  Pay attention, you likely will not be hungry for awhile, or perhaps naturally eat less at next meal etc.  Don't let feelings of guilt etc drive you into further over eating, binging or periods of restricting.  Pay attention to how you feel, and let your body balance out.
6. Eat the foods you want, there is no FORBIDDEN FOOD...want JUBE JUBES..eat them. But eat them when hungry and stop when satisfied.

Ok sounds good right?  Well how did the week go?

It was harder then I thought.  I had stopped tracking what I eat, and counting calories etc ages ago.  But I was still falling into a pattern of more "restrictive eating " during the week and then loosening the reins on the weekend which also usually led to overeating.  This was my weight maintenance style for the last year.  I guess it worked, I maintained my weight, but I was still thinking way to much about food, what to eat, what was allowed and having feelings of guilt when I over ate.  I was also very much setting myself up to over eat.

So last week, started off well.  I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me.  I felt free'er.  I still ate much of the same way, because my tastes have changed and so has my lifestyle.  The majority of the food I eat is very nutritious for my body and food that I really enjoy.  But I did do some things differently.  I ate more carbs, I even had "WHITE RICE" during the week.  Something silly, but something I would not have eaten during the week, when not carb loading for a run.  I also went and bought some candy, some jubes and liquorice.  That's when things went a little whacky.  I had been doing well eating when hungry, stopping when full and satisfied etc.  Then one night I started eating some candy, and couldn't stop.  I ate past satisfied, and ate because I felt guilty and thought might as well eat more.  I was right back into my old thinking.  I then felt guilty and thought, this is stupid, your going to gain weight, you need to go back to your old way of doing things etc.  I was full of guilt and doubt.  I went to bed.  The next morning I woke up feeling much better.  A new day.  I then realized that this switch in thinking is not going to happen over night.  I'm going to struggle with over eating, its going to happen.  Its natural given how restrictive I have been for so long.  I have to trust that this will all balance out.  I felt better.

I carried on with the week and for the most part it went well, I ate more then usual, and had some moments where I over ate.  When I overate, I tried really hard to just accept it and listen to when I was hungry next.  That was KEY..not just continuing to overeat but truly waiting till I was hungry again.  It was a learning experience that's for sure.  I won't lie and say I didn't have many thoughts of panic, and worry over gaining weight.  In fact, that's the other thing, I need to let go of the idea of weight.  Move from "weight" to "health" to truly and fully embrace this idea.  I need to be ok with gaining some weight while learning how to listen to my body.  I actually took a picture of myself Sat night before going out to meet some friends because I was feeling "fluffy" and knew that a picture wouldn't lie to me.  I took a full body pic of myself, and thought yeah...nothing wrong with you dumbass let it go :)  Sounds silly but it worked.  That night I went out and throughly enjoyed myself with friends.  I didn't have a plan on what I was allowed to eat or drink, when I would stop myself etc...nor did I have any guilt for drinking lots of wine and eating lots of chocolate.  I had an amazing evening, laughed, relaxed, and was just PRESENT (not stuck in my head thinking about what I should eat).
Heading out Sat night, feeling a bit "fluffy" then thought FLUFFY IS AWESOME :)  

So this is the direction the next phase in my Health Journey is taking. I really think this is a healthier picture of what "maintenance" will look like for me (and that maintenance may in fact be me weighing more).  I know it won't be easy, that there is a lot of learning to do yet.  That I will get scared and want to fall back to old "control" patterns.  I will worry about my weight etc.  But I know I can do this. I know I will find my way, what works for me, and will  be the healthiest and happiest I can be.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Self Care Day

Its 8:30 am and I am wrapped in a blanket by the fireplace blogging.  I am not at the gym, shocking I know!

Its COLD OUT, like really cold out.  Its been COLD AS A WITCHES TIT all week.  Its left me feeling like reaching for copious amounts of carbs, warm blankets, my husband's wool socks (much to his delight), and today like hibernating.  I woke up this morning with zero desire to go workout, my cold has moved to my lungs and I am wheezing and did I mention how horribly cold it is?  Just the thought of the walk from the car to the gym makes me cringe.  I am dressed in my workout clothes, I had good intentions when I got dressed this am.  But as I loaded the kids off to school I decided that today was a great day to make a "Self Care"day.  (even week)

I ran the Disney Marathon almost 2 weeks ago.  I have never taken a proper rest after a marathon.  The first one in May I worked out everyday for a week after trying to prove to myself how hardcore I was.  After the Toronto Marathon in October I immediately began working on changing my stride and doing speed work to run Rattle Me Bones two weeks later and PR at 48:28.  Then I launched into training for Disney. All though I toned down my workouts the week after Disney (only ran twice). I was still really active on vacation and this week have done enough that it has hurt to get on and off the potty for 3 days straight.  I took it easy yesterday and today I am staying home from the gym this am to rest and work on my course.  Later today I am treating myself to a Yoga Ball Deep Tissue Massage Class.  I start a new training program soon and until then I really plan on taking it easy and letting my body recover properly  so I can go hard for May.

Along with the self care, I am really trying this week to listen to my body's hunger cues.  Trying to eat when hungry, stop when full.  I am eating to meet my physical needs but also my emotional needs.  I am looking at food in a new light this week.  One where it also serves an emotional need.  Not a binge eat all things because I am numbing myself of my emotions.  But recognizing that a bowl of oatmeal with choc chips, or a plate of sushi is going to comfort me and warm me right now.  As long as I have eaten the other things I need for my physical needs, and I eat when hungry and stop when full.  I am honoring my body.

Stay warm my friends, and take care :)

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Disney Marathon Recap

We are back in Canada, there is a TON of snow outside, and I have a lovely cold.  I miss FLORIDA :( So what better way to cheer myself up then to re-live the Disney Marathon.  So hold on folks here comes the very exciting (to me lol) Disney Race Recap.  

It all started with a little plane ride to Florida, where I was crazy about staying hydrated and luckily had a seat next to the bathroom. 

Kayleigh and I on the plane, keeping busy with my phone camera
We arrived Friday, met up with our family in crime the Carew's, and settled into our amazing home for the next week.  I indulged a bit with a glass of wine and a beer, relaxed in a hot tub and got to bed at a decent time.  

Sat morning I literally jumped out of bed with EXCITEMENT and nerves, threw on my running clothes, downed a glass of water, and hit the gorgeous Florida Road for a quick 5km run to warm up the legs for Sunday's Race.  5km in 26 min!  Not bad for a warm up.  It felt so good to run at a good pace, to not struggle with your footing and grip in the snow.  I pushed but not to hard and it felt fantastic.  Then we gathered up the crew and headed to the Disney Race Kit Pick Up and Expo.  Kit pick up was really easy and fast.  

Then we headed to Downtown Disney where we did a lot of walking around in the sun (I cursed that during the beginning of the marathon Sunday when I struggled to get my GO GO on) and had a great Carb Load Lunch at the Rain Forest Cafe.  I was ridiculously silly about hydrating all week and even more sore Saturday trying to make sure I was ready for the heat Sunday.  But even so I did indulge in a beer and a glass of wine...I was on vacation after all. 

Sat night I packed up my gear, laid it all out, re arranged it 15 times and finally settled down to a pile of salty pretzels and a big glass of Nuun. 

Night before a race ritual. 
The alarm went off at 2:30 am on Sunday morning, but truth be told I was awake on and off with nerves since midnight.   I got dressed and geared up pretty quick. 

My lucky fugly orange hat
I have to say I was really happy to have Rob running the Marathon too, to hang out with, talk the nerves off and visit the port a potty a gazillion times with.  

Rob and I about 30 min from GO TIME.  Both excited and happy and having no clue what we were in for LOL

Knees taped, lucky run skirt, fugly hat, ready to go!

The fireworks went off at 5:30 and I didn't have to wait long to get across the start line.  I turned my music on and tried to settle into my pace.  My plan for the race was to try and aim for a 10 min per mile pace for the first half and then if I could a bit faster in the second half.  I was going into this race feeling good, and wanted to give it my best.  I struggled to find my pace in the beginning, I felt sluggish from being up so early, lack of caffeine, and usual routine off.  There was a lot of bottle necking in the beginning and that slowed me down.  I tried to not worry about it and remember that it was good, forced me to slow down and save energy.  I had no idea how I would handle the heat and thought it was best to go slow in the beginning.  I ran a good portion of the race in the dark and that was disorienting, to be honest, I found myself starring at the ground to be careful not to trip.  I was glad when the sun came up around 6:50.  At around 6km I really had to pee! Like it hurt I had to go so bad.  I had been watching the port a potties looking for one with a short line, and as much as I cursed having to stop I knew I had too.  I found one with a short line, got in did my business and DROPPED A WATER BOTTLE on the disgusting floor.  I didn't want to lose the bottle so I picked it up put it back in my belt and said don't drink from the back right bottle.  Little did I know that my belt would be spinning around during the race loose from lack of winter bulk and YES I think I drank from the dirty one! EEEWWWW.  I made my first mistake when I got back in the race, I was mad at myself for stopping to pee and started to push my pace. Much of the time when I checked my garmin it was at about 9:30 min per mile pace.  I felt great, better then I had in a while and thought I'm going to have a great race.  I walked through all the water stations to make sure I hydrated properly and to give myself that little break.   Things were going well, I felt good and was enjoying the run.  Then things started to go south.  I drank gatorade at all the water stations, which I didn't train with as its so freaking cold in Canada.  I assumed I would be ok to drink it as I have trained and raced with it in past Marathons.  But I soon started to get tummy cramps after each water station.  They didn't last long, but I knew something was up.  Then the cramps moved to my left glute and down my leg.  I was having trouble picking my leg up.  I stopped and waked for 30 sec and felt better and carried on.  By this time my pace had slowed.  I made it to the half way point feeling good and then it got harder.  It was mile 17 where things really started to hurt.  At this point I was like, DISNEY? FUN? this isn't fun!  LOL.  I tried to enjoy the sights, my favourite was running the race track and imagining myself as an olympic athlete on a real track.  The worst was running through the sewage area, it not only smelled awful but tasted bad!  I may have been doing some Disney cursing.  

With about 7 miles to go things got really bad, the pain was intense, and I was really having a hard time lifting my left leg, I was limp running or having to walk.  I had texted Ryan and Laura that am saying that they didn't have to come to the race, I felt bad that they would have to keep the kids entertained in the heat.  I pulled out my phone to see if he texted back praying he didn't listen and was still coming.  Thankfully they knew I was being a doorknob and where on the way.  I was crying and all that kept me going was knowing that I would get to see my kids at the end.  I've never had that before.  I walked or limp ran the last 7 miles of the race.  It was HORRIBLE, the hardest thing I have ever done.  Even when I walked it hurt, and starting up to run again was like working up the nerve to jump off a building because you knew it was going to hurt like hell.  

Pretty sure I am doing the ugly cry here.
Near the end of the race maybe 2 miles to go? There was a candy bar station.  I grabbed two mini choc bars, and walked eating them.  I was happy now, had some chocolate!  I kept thinking almost there, you can do this. Kayleigh and Kasey are waiting for you.  BUT SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED! The choc made my tummy go into convulsions, and the next thing you know I SHARTED!  I freaking SHARTED! I started laughing so hard!  All this time I have joked about pooping your pants during a race.  I have made fun of my husband relentlessly for having to squat on course.  Karma is bad peeps!  I couldn't stop laughing, I braced myself back into my limp run and laughed my way to finish line.  I think it is HILARIOUS that it took me 24 miles to let go of the "pressure" I was putting on myself and to just run happy with my shitty pants!  (ps. it wasn't that bad for the record).  

Coming in for the finish, focusing on getting that left leg to move
I also have one more favourite moment to share, the last 2 miles? of the course was through the park and they were playing music that made me feel like I was in a movie, in that epic save the world scene!  I loved it, it made me keep moving to the end.  

I did it 26.9 miles (yes .9 miles peeps!) in 4:48.  My worst time ever! But also my proudest medal ever earned because I really fought hard for it.  

I made it through the recovery tent, grabbed some ice and wrapped it around my leg and hobbled to my tent area where I waited for my family and friends.  I have never been so happy to see my two little fart faces!!!  

Kay may have been a bit sad about all the heat LOL 
My girl Laura hooked me up with a beer and we rested for a bit while waiting for Rob to come in.  

I have to admit I was really really excited to see Rob come in, and so extremely proud of him too!  May I also point out he did not shart himself and crossed the line with a strong finish!

The next morning we celebrated with a character breakfast and I like a proud runner wore my Marathon Bling to breaky. 

3 Marathons in 9 months!!!

Now time for a nap :)