Halloween candy is already calling my name. Its 3:00 pm and I find myself in shoppers, hitting the dreaded energy dive bomb, it's then that the howls and cackles from the halloween candy isles start calling my name. The pull is so strong! This morning I was in the grocery store, having just finished up my workout and my glycogen stores were screaming at the candy corn...JUMP IN MY MOUTH! There is just something about HALLOWEEN candy that does my mind in. I don't get like this at Easter and Christmas. Yes, I indulge in the sweets but this obsessive mouth watering pull seems to only come with Halloween.
In years past I would succumb to the brightly colored boxes and buy the stuff early, I would "hide it" so I wouldn't eat it. YEAH RIGHT! I would then find myself balanced on a kitchen chair scarfing down PB cups and Twix bars from the back of the closet top shelf. Or going into the cold garage for perfectly chilled choc bars....shaking my head.
So I find myself sitting here, reflecting and coming up with a plan to avoid the binge and guilt cycle this year. I was looking at old halloween pictures and have to admit that this one really "surprised me." This picture is from two years ago, and at the time I was about 5 months into my new active life, working out 5-6 days week. I had lost maybe 20-25 pounds? I remember buying that halloween outfit and feeling so good about myself. For the first time in a long time I was ok with "showing myself". Oh lord, I did not realize though that it showed so much of my giant hooters! LOL. That was a good halloween, I indulged but not over board, and didn't feel guilty with what I did eat because of my activity level. I wasn't overly obsessed with the candy, and found a good balance.
|oh my good lord my boobs were huge, I miss them LOL|
Fast forward to the following year and I was close to my maintenance weight, and very focused on the losing part of my "journey". I tended to avoid the candy at all costs, thinking of it as a "not allowed" food. BAD IDEA! Doing so gave the candy so much more power over me and I found myself obsessing about it. Ryan was travelling a lot at that point and I found myself alone for a week, with two young kids testing the very limits of my patience. The days were stressful and I found I started fantasizing about eating the candy. For some stupid reason I had once again bought candy early and had it in the house. I remember that week alone, was a very hard and difficult time for me for so many reasons. I remember rushing the kids to bed one night and coming down stairs and making a giant pile of chocolate bars that I was going to eat. I stared at it. My anxiety was rising through the roof. I bagged up the candy and threw it out, well that bit of it. I had too. I sat on the couch and talked myself out of the binge. I called Ryan and talked to him. I said a prayer. I narrowly escaped that binge. The next night I found myself in that very same scenario. I have a blog post written about it somewhere. I faced down some demons that week. I won the big battles but did lose out to some smaller binges of 5 or 6 little choc bars, little binges that led to big ugly guilt and renewed promises to not touch the candy. Last halloween was very much the picture of someone that was stuck in an all or nothing, black and white kind of thinking pattern.
So what will this year look like? I think I will be taking a page from that busty girl's picture. I will find a happy medium between some indulgences and putting down the candy bag. I will wait to the last minute to buy the candy. I will decide ahead of time how much I will have. When I find myself in Shoppers Drugmart itching like a drug addict for candy, I will buy my favourite Lindt Dark Chocolate bar and eat that. I will dress up in costume and trick or treat with my kids, and watch really bad horror movies with my husband while eating this treat. I have been eyeing it up on Pinterest for awhile. I figure, why not, make something special enjoy it and get back to the sweating and chia seed eating after halloween.
|Super hero with binge fighting powers!|