Thursday, September 1, 2011

Trying to let go of my security blanket


My new size 12 jeans...that's 10 sizes smaller than the 22, I was sporting just over a year ago.


I was cleaning out my closet the other day trying to get rid of some of my too big for me clothes.  I have passed on most of my size 20/22 clothes, but still have a few more things that need to be given away.  I also have a sizeable lot of size 18 pants, jeans and tops that need to go.  As well as, a smaller selection of size 16 clothes that are much to big on me now.  I had no trouble bagging up the size 20/22 stuff, I can't imagine going back to that unhealthy girl.  But I couldn't put the size 18, let alone 16 stuff in the bag.  I was scared!  What if I gain the weight back?  I have in the past.  A few years ago I got down to a size 16 and promptly gained the weight back and more a few months later. What if this happens again?  I couldn't get rid of my security blanket so I left the barely filled bag in the closet and shut the door.

A few hours later a friend sent me a very well timed message on Facebook asking what size I was wearing, as she was cleaning out her closet.  This friend, too has lost weight and is living a very healthy lifestyle that has left her with a closet full of clothes that are too big.  Too big for her, but just right for me. We met up for coffee and some girl chat last night, which I thoroughly enjoyed (which is really cool because we have only met in real life once, and our friendship has developed online, got to love Facebook.) I got home after the kids were in bed and went through this giant bag of clothing.  I spent an hour in my room having a fashion show, squealing in delight as I tried on things that I never would have fit in or thought I could a year ago.  I fell in love with a black sweater dress, that makes me feel damn right sexy!  She even gifted me a beautiful event dress that is just a tad small but hopefully will fit by Ryan's Christmas Gala.  I was in heaven and couldn't have felt better about myself.  I can't even begin to thank her for the confidence and 'little kid at Christmas happiness' she gave me in that bag of clothes.

So after my fashion show,  I thought of how good it felt to receive all that clothing and gathered up the rest of my size 18 clothes and added to them donate bag.  But I am still stuck on the 16's.  Its like I need a security blanket of some sort.  My mom told me today that when she quit smoking back when we were kids, that she kept a pack in the house for a whole year as her security blanket.  I think I need one too.  I have no intentions of going back.  I know how good this life feels while truly living it and being healthy.   I want to raise my children to be healthy.  So I can't go back.  BUT...what bumper do I give myself?  What's my security blanket?  What if I injure myself and can't workout will I gain weight (all though I then rationally tell myself that nutrition is just as important)? These are the thoughts I am having.

I am down to a size 12 now, I am happy here.  I can live like this, I am not unhappy at this size (ie.  I am not hungry, I am enjoying myself).  I think I may even with any luck get smaller, the weight is coming off week after week.  I would like very much to get to a weight where I am no longer considered overweight by medical standards.   So is size 14  a buffer, do I throw the size 16 clothes in the bag too.  I remember when I got down to a size 16 and how good it felt.  I think it would be really nice for someone else to wear those jeans and feel good.

So I am saying it here....I am committing myself to this LIFESTYLE...that's right because this is about the rest of my life not some silly diet...and the 16's are going in the bag!

A little fun...I snapped a pic of one of my new to me dresses.  Please ignore the wet hair, no make up, bare feet look. (and thank-you again Jenn)




The tag on this dress actually says a size 10....ok so its a bigger fit and a stretchy material but give a former big girl a break this is pretty exciting!


7 comments:

  1. HOLY SHIT YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE. you can SEE another huge change in your face in the first picture (and don't even get me started on the body)...i LOVE LOVE LOVE that dress on you. my goodness you are one HAWT MAMA. dude - you are now a MILF me thinks...

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  2. Amazing. Katie, you're attitude is awesome. You're kicking some ass. You're so cool. Rock on with your bad self!

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  3. Katie!
    You look and sound fantastic! One of my favorite quotes makes me think of you and what you are going through...

    "The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have."
    Anna Quindlen

    Live the life you dream of for yourself and it can happen!

    Sharon (in Brock-Vegas)

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  4. One word...AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

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  5. i can't even begin to tell you all about the shivers I am experiencing reading this post....you are so completely changed in physical appearance and mental attitude from the katie I met just over two years ago....

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