Monday, September 5, 2011

Granny Panty Parachuting: the new EXTREME SPORT

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Did the image grab you?  Did you think, 'what on earth is this woman up to now?'  Come on Anti Gravity Yoga, next in line parachuting?  No not for me, (will leave that to you Dorrie) sadly this post is about underpants.  

I had an awesome afternoon out yesterday, with my blogging girlfriend Laura.  We worked out, we swam, we shaked and we shopped.   In particular, we went to a lingerie shop.  Now this where I need to point out that I have been wearing Hanes Her Way Plus Size underpants almost exclusively.  My underwear drawer is in very sad shape.  I have a collection of granny pants that could be used for parachutes.  Well they could have been used for extreme sports except for the holes in them that render them a safety hazard.  Our dear late Frodo, had a hobby of stealing underwear and eating them.  Trust me these aren't exactly the 'sexy' crotchless underwear.  

I said that I have been wearing Hanes Her Way almost exclusively, well that exception belongs to my GRANNY PANTS.  I literally have Granny Pants.  Yes the waist band, has Marie Deardurf written into the waist band in black sharpie.  Yes, that's right somehow, someway I ended up with my Grandmother's underwear in my drawer.  It's really a logical story.  I was at my Mom's house, one day last year, heading out to a family party in a white skirt and ummm sneezed and peed my pants (that happens to you too right?).  Having only packed one pair of underwear I needed to borrow some, and my mom just happened to have some of these Vogue Shapers Marie Deardurf specials on hand.  Now before you go and judge, let me tell you these were magic underwear!  They were the most comfortable things I have ever worn, and they had magic suck you in powers to boot!  So that's how I ended up with 5 pairs in my drawer at home.  (Yes, I steal underwear from Grannies....you would too if you had tried these on.)

So this is how I found myself in a Lingerie Shop yesterday afternoon, in desperate need of an upgrade into the land of lacy and frilly.  I was like a kid in a candy shop for asses, oohing and ahhing.  Once in the change room though, I am afraid that those oohs and ahhh's turned into ACCKK, OOHHH (the bad kind) and "oh dear Lord no".  It would seem that thongs are not meant for this booty.  But a generous boy short, with some lace and frill is damn right AWESOME.  I wore a pair of my new unders out to the movie store last night, and let's just say my butt felt FINE (as in that cool and sexy).   I would love to have watched the security video in that store as I walked down the isle, I dare to think I may have had just a tad of swagger to my step!

1 comment:

  1. I challenge you to replace your whole intimates drawer by the end of this year. I'm sure Ryan won't mind ;)

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