I am writing this blog post from the bottom of a bowl of MM's. Today was the first day of a 3 day personal training certification course. I didn't think it would be walk in the park, but I had no idea it would be as hard as it was. Today I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was by far the oldest, the heaviest and the most inexperienced in the class. I have not felt this far outside of my element in sometime. I have to admit I was really surprised that I felt so old. I workout at the Women's Gym in Barhaven and most of the members are like me, they are moms (not all of them of course but the majority for sure), mom's that are trying to find time for themselves, that are tired and looking to feel some sort of energy again, mom's that want to feel better about themselves. These are the woman I identify with. Today I think I was the only mom in the room. I knew I would likely be the 'largest' in the class and I was ok with that. I feel fit and healthy and yes even beautiful most days now. But today my inexperience in weight training made me feel 'larger' and unfit compared to the rest. There were so many times today where I wondered what I was doing there, that I wanted to cry and leave. But I didn't. I tried really hard to put myself out there, to participate and be present. Why? Because I realized that this was likely how the struggling with her weight mom would feel her first time in the gym. If I can't do it how can I expect someone else to? So after this bowl of MM's I am going to bed and I am going to try even harder tomorrow.
PS. My friend Rachel sent me this poem tonight, which gave me the goosebumps because my Grandfather clipped the same poem out of a newspaper when I was in grade 6 and gave it to me. I still have it taped in my diary.