Monday, March 21, 2011

One of those days

It's 8:30pm, I should be in a yoga class right now. Instead I am sitting in the dark in my bedroom with my laptop, my two children just haven fallen asleep. I don't have to be here but the kids were having a hard time falling asleep and I wanted to play the nurturing mom instead of the strict one I usually play. Today was a busy day and my trip to the gym kept getting pushed back until I decided that I would just go in the evening. I think all along I knew in my mind that I was never going to leave the warmth of the house at 8:30 at night to workout. Have you seen the snow outside on this the first day of spring? I am still feeling the effects of my fabulous day yesterday, no not sore muscles surprisingly. I feel recharged. I have been so much more patient with my children and nurturing. I feel grounded. But despite all that positiveness I had a weird food day. I ate a lot today, and to be honest I was not always hungry. This afternoon I ate two snacks simply for the need to fill myself. I was hungry for something and I know it wasn't food. I didn't binge, or really pig out, I ate 2 Kashi bars, and some cookies. At dinner I ate two servings of the most delicious and flavorful pasta that I made. I wasn't hungry for the second serving but I wanted more of the taste and texture experience. I over ate today and I ate for reasons other than being hungry. I guess no matter how far I run, I still have days like this. But there is one big difference. I am sitting here in my chair blogging, sharing, and I don't feel guilty. I am not down stairs watching tv continuing to stuff myself in a free for all binge because I have 'blown' it. I am not telling myself that I will start 'fresh' with some kind of restraint tomorrow. I am not filled with anxiety and worry over what I have done. Let me tell you that is where I would have been 8-9 months ago. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

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