Thursday, March 31, 2011

New Spring in My Step

I purchased these babies yesterday after a run in the old ones that left my feet feeling broken.  At approximately 304 miles in the old ones, they were more than overdue for the shoe afterlife.  So I took my brand spanking new runners out for a run today and ran my farthest run to date: 12 KM !!!  I ran it in 1 hr and 27min.  The last 3km were tough, but I did it.  I have faith that if I keep it up I will be crossing that finish line at the half marathon in Sept!  I am feeling pretty proud of myself right now. 

On a side note I have a new little motivation for my runs, when I pick Kayleigh up from the gym daycare she plays the GUESS HOW FAR MOMMY RAN TODAY GAME.  Its always makes me smile :) Yesterday she guessed 20 and I said no, but SOON!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Monkey on my back

Image source

The damn monkey is riding my back, well monkey bread that is, and more accurately its riding my hips.  The girls and I baked some monkey bread on Monday and my goodness it is good!  Ooohey gooey good, and you think just one little ball is an ok treat.  But its so good that before you know it your husband is asking where all the monkey bread went?  The kids love baking and I love doing it with them, and in the last month we have made our fair share of cookies, muffins, and breads.  I have also done my fair share of polishing them off.  Honestly, I don't think a little bit of oohey gooey goodness is a bad thing and normally I don't go over board.  But...BUT this week has not started off well.  For some reason I am having a really hard time with wanting to eat when I am not hungry.  I find myself making my fairly daily trip to Strarbucks for a coffee (just a coffee with milk, nothing fancy) and really really wanting to get a Birthday Cake Pop.  I want that cake pop A) even though I am not hungry and B) even though I have just eaten some damn monkey bread.  I actually had a talk with myself while waiting in the drive through line.  It went something like this: "Katie, this is where you were a year ago, making daily trips to Starbucks for a 'treat', a sugary fattening treat when you were not hungry, a treat that would then set you up to binge the rest of the day, you do not want to go back there!"  I got my coffee and went home.  Fast forward to last night and I am eating a bunch of jelly beans and diet coke. I swear buying that case of diet coke was the first step down the hill.   So in an effort to get myself back on track, I put on The Biggest Looser for a Reality Check and started to do some pushups and situps.  I swung all over the map yesterday, I went to bed with a book and some PB and Jam Toast on WHITE BREAD!  I need to get a handle on what's going on in my head. Days like that really rattle me, and make me think the old days are not that far gone.  Then again, I got up this morning headed to the gym and banged out 10km.  So I will hang on to that, keep moving and pray for God's help in sorting out what's in my head.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Tale of the treadmill

I love the treadmill, the treadmill and I have become very good friends in the last 11 months.  I am quite proud of the relationship the old mill and I have today, its a healthy and supportive one. The treadmill and I have not always had a healthy relationship, like food, we have shared an abusive past.  When I was in my twenties and in the throws of bulimia, the treadmill and I were like friends that liked to drink too much and got ugly drunk.  I can remember going to the gym back then and being obsessed with how fast everyone else was going.  I would pretend to be looking at the TV screen to the left of me while really looking at the output on the treadmill next to me.  Now I KNOW that you have done that too, its like sneaking a peek at the rag mags in the grocery line. The only thing was, I let what everyone else was doing drive what I did.  I had to go faster and farther.  There was one haunting day in particular, where the girl next to me was just as Fracked up as I was and we had a BEEP WAR.  No word of lie we ran side by side for 30 min or so with our treadmills beeping up in speed back and forth.  It was obscene, like two college idiots sitting across from on another at a bar lining up shots to see who could drink more. I cringe when I think of the girl I was back then.
Flash forward to today, and I find myself at the gym on my trusty treadmill making friends with all the other treadmills.   I am still aware of what the other women in the gym are doing but I am silently trying to work up the nerve to approach them and tell them what a great job they have done.  It took me two weeks to work up the nerve to walk up to one lady at the gym, who I have watched transform over the last year from a chubby mom like me to a fit and strong woman.  I think I may have surprised her a little when I told her how good she looked, but I hope that my words that day made her feel as GOOD as it made me feel.  Since then, I have gotten into my cheerleader groove and have given the high five, the thumbs up and even a well deserved "YOUR AWESOME" to the women running next to me.  I wish treadmills at the gym were like Facebook and I could 'Like' and send 'Friend Requests' while working out.  I am on a mission to help empower my friends and strangers and women everywhere to feel good about themselves.  For us to help one another to run farther and faster, to be healthy and strong and ditch this weight obsession for good.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Time to listen to my own advice.

This morning I went to my home gym (at Goodlife I can workout at any GL location and I alternate between 2, sometimes 3).  My home gym is the woman's gym and I like to weigh myself there once a week.  I don't have a scale at home, if I did it would be too tempting to be jumping on and off it playing weight games.  I like the scale at this gym because it is kind to me, in other words I weigh less on it then any other scale available.  Well you can imagine my horror this morning when I found that my sweet friendly scale was gone!  VANISHED. No where to be seen!  I had been excited to reconnect with my buddy scale, to see a little loss, after some hard work.  At the very least I was looking forward to a validation of being on the right track, a pat on the back.  So I braved the old school Dr. style scale.  YIKES.  I think its broken? Gahhhh I hate how that stupid scale made me feel.  Remember this post where I very smartly and bravely through my scale out?  Well I need to listen to that girl.  I need to listen to my own advice, the same advice that I given and preached to so many other girls in the last few months.  In reality I could have stood on my friendly scale this morning and had a loss.  Then I could of stood on two other scales and had 2 completely different results.  So what am I looking for the scale to tell me?  I want it to tell me that I FREAKING ROCK!  I want it to tell me that I am working hard, and doing the right things, and getting fitter (and yes even maybe looking a little better too.)  Do I need the scale to do that?  No I don't, the sheen of sweat on my back tells me I rock.  My friends that have been so supportive tell me that I am doing the right things.  Most of all my soul is singing my praises because I am happy.  I need to let go of this number thing for good.  But despite all these positive things it is hard, truthfully hard.  This number obsession has been grilled into us all of our lives.  Two weeks from now or a month from now I will find myself standing on a scale again, and I will be happy to see some number that validates  my efforts in a way that this other 'fluffy stuff' does not.  I will be tempted to forget my wise words when that happens.  I want very much to really truly let this go.  I want for us all to let it go.  So help me my friends, lets support each other in finding our true worth!

Monday, March 21, 2011

One of those days

It's 8:30pm, I should be in a yoga class right now. Instead I am sitting in the dark in my bedroom with my laptop, my two children just haven fallen asleep. I don't have to be here but the kids were having a hard time falling asleep and I wanted to play the nurturing mom instead of the strict one I usually play. Today was a busy day and my trip to the gym kept getting pushed back until I decided that I would just go in the evening. I think all along I knew in my mind that I was never going to leave the warmth of the house at 8:30 at night to workout. Have you seen the snow outside on this the first day of spring? I am still feeling the effects of my fabulous day yesterday, no not sore muscles surprisingly. I feel recharged. I have been so much more patient with my children and nurturing. I feel grounded. But despite all that positiveness I had a weird food day. I ate a lot today, and to be honest I was not always hungry. This afternoon I ate two snacks simply for the need to fill myself. I was hungry for something and I know it wasn't food. I didn't binge, or really pig out, I ate 2 Kashi bars, and some cookies. At dinner I ate two servings of the most delicious and flavorful pasta that I made. I wasn't hungry for the second serving but I wanted more of the taste and texture experience. I over ate today and I ate for reasons other than being hungry. I guess no matter how far I run, I still have days like this. But there is one big difference. I am sitting here in my chair blogging, sharing, and I don't feel guilty. I am not down stairs watching tv continuing to stuff myself in a free for all binge because I have 'blown' it. I am not telling myself that I will start 'fresh' with some kind of restraint tomorrow. I am not filled with anxiety and worry over what I have done. Let me tell you that is where I would have been 8-9 months ago. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

New kind of date for a new kind of gal (or gals)

Usually a date with a freind involves a movie, going out to dinner or even scrabooking. Today I tried out a new kind of date. I got together with my good freind Mell to check out the swanky gym she goes to. Oh my goodness this gym is a piece of heaven and it has the coolest toys to play with. Our date started with some cardio in the women's part of the club. Mell did a run while I tried out some new toys. I tried a machine that made me feel like I was part 'Robot', the stride was part climbing, stepping, running, gliding. I wish I knew what in heck it was called, it was a lot of fun! I did that for 15 min and the rode a spin bike for another 15. Then we got down on the mats side by side with medicine balls and did a killer ab workout from her iphone. It felt so good to workout with a freind and to chat and share. After we headed to the change room to grab my jacket (no tanks tops allowed in the coed section, guess they don't want us big boobed gals scarring the boys!) We ended up parking our butts on the bench there and chatted for likely a good 30 minutes. Its kind of hilarious that's were we chose to chat, I saw my fair share of boobs I tell you! Then we toured the coed part of the gym. They have the CURVE treadmill that's featured on The Biggest Looser this season. I gave it a quick go and its really hard. Then we checked out Jacob's Ladder, something I again saw on the biggest looser and have been itching to try. How cool is it that I got to give all these cool things a try? I did it for 10 min and I have to say a huge thank-you to Mell for standing there next to me urging me on and counting down for me. I would have quit at 6min if it weren't for her. Next time I will be your cheerleader :) Then the best part of the day. We went for a swim. I was pooped and really just floated while Mell swam. Then we joined up and did lazy laps talking the whole time. Girl talk while semi-swimming :) A little hot tub and a smoothie rounded out the day. I had the BEST DAY! I am still glowing! I loved having a workout buddy to try new things with and the girl talk at the same time. Thank-you so much for treating me to the day at the club and your company.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Coming to a Treadmill Near You: Mind Games

You can track calories, speed, distance, and even heartrate on the treadmill display. Some treadmills even have little TV's on them so you can watch Ellen or your flavor of entertainment. On my display I watch the epic battle of the MIND GAMES. I injured myself this week taking that Firm Parts class (which I have now named broken parts) and had to spend Tuesday couched. So Wednesday when I hit the gym I told myself I would do a nice easy paced run to loosen up my sore muscles. I ran 5km and I swear for most of the first 4 while I felt good, I wrestled with myself watching the time. I wanted to go faster, I wanted to feel the burn, I wanted to post a good time on my dailymile. My body wanted me to stay on pace and do the smart thing. My mind was stuck believing there was an imaginary panel judging my performance. The last km I kicked into high gear and went for the burn. I felt so good at the end of that km, my cheeks flushed, my face hot, my heart pounding, I love that feeling. I crave it. Today I went to the gym feeling much improved since my Broken Parts class. I wanted to run 8km. I got on the treadmill and decided go big or go home you can do 10 Katie. I ran the first 5km at a great pace, faster than my usual 10km pace and I felt great. I felt AWESOME in fact, I was really into my music and I loved the way my body just felt fluid and strong. Judging by my current pace I thought I could finish the 10km in 1 hour 6 min (A freaking great time for me). Well 5km went and so did the good feeling. My knee started to feel weird. Not painful per say just weird. I slowed down. My biggest fear is a serious injury that wil prevent me from doing what I love, and I really love doing this. I vasiclated the next 5km back and forth with a slower pace and slighter faster pace depending on how my knee felt. In my mind I was so disappointed that I would not reach the 1 hour 6 min. I hate that I let myself get trapped in these negative self defeating thoughts. They are just as destructive as the old fat track that played in my head. I slowed down today and did what was right for my body. I ran 10km in 1 hour 11 min and when all was said and done I felt great! I had forgotten about the stupid time and was feeling very proud of myself. The coolest part, usually after a 10km run my body feels a bit beat down the rest of the day. Today I have felt great, no stiffness and no soreness. I did the right thing and I am getting stronger at my own pace. I think I said that when I started running that it was about MY PACE MY RACE. I think I need to get that on a T-shirt and wear it!

Monday, March 14, 2011

checking in

Law of the universe or maybe just Katie Law but every time I say I am going to focus on loosing weight my efforts seem to go wayside. LOL In my last post after tooting (hehehe) my own horn for not gaining weight on the cruise I said I wanted to focus on loosing 10 pounds. Well that week I baked cookies not once but TWICE with the kids. While I did not participate in a cookie eating free for all like I would have in the past I did eat SOME (everyday). I had a dinner party Sat night and well lets just say the dinner and desserts were very good. Sunday I found myself eating emotionally to deal with the stress of kid related CRAZINESS. I did run a 8km last week and worked out a total of 5 times. Today I have eaten OK (ie. not loose 10 pounds kind of day). I did try a new class today called Firm Parts and it was really HARD! My legs were jello after the class. That felt really good, I know crazy but I love the HURT :) I can't lift weights right now because of an elbow injury of all things so this was great as it used my own body weight. I tell you when you can't discard a 5 pound disc when the exercise is making you shake it does make you reconsider that chocolate chip cookie. Something awesome did happen today I had a great chat in the grocery store of all places with a woman that goes to the same gym. She and her hubby are running a half marathon in May. She has run a marathon in the past! (I bow done to her) Anyway we had this great chat about running and kids and mom stuff in the cleaning isle while the kids played ring around the rosie. It kind of made my day!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Drum roll please.....

4:30 am on the way to the airport for the cruise.

In paradise :)

Drum roll did I fare weight wise on the cruise? Well I went to the gym today and weighed myself...are you ready? NOTHING! I weigh the same as I did before we left. Phew. LOL. I have to say I really thought I had at least eaten and slacked off enough for a 5 pounder :) When I left I said I was aiming for 4 workouts. We did 3. We ran a 5km run around the ship's deck one day. That was amazing, a once in a life time kind of experience. The next day the deck was closed because of rocky conditions so I did a 5km run on the treadmill. That was INSANE! I had to keep grabbing the handrails to keep from falling! It was so wobbly, it was incredibly hard to do. When I got off I was really nauseous for a good 30min or so. NEVER AGAIN. The next day we hit the beach in St. Marten. Did I do my Baywatch sprints? NO...LOL. I sat in the sand and played :) But just for you I will brave a pic of me in my bathing suit...middle roll and all (keeping it real here folks).

The following day I did a 40 min workout on the elliptical in the gym, where I at least had something to hold on to. That was the end of the workouts. I really envisioned having more time to myself with the kids in the kids club to workout and relax by the pool. Reality was that they did not spend much time in the club and at the end of the trip Kasey got sick. I handled it well though, I was really relaxed and just enjoyed my time with the family doing all the magical stuff. I didn't freak out about not working out. As far as the food, Ryan and I definitely indulged but certainly not the way we would have a year ago. A year ago, the cruise would have been a week long binge! We started each morning off with a sensible breakfast some sort of muesli, oatmeal, yogurt and fruit. For lunch we had an appetizer, soup/salad, and entree from a gourmet menu (but the portions were small). I often tried to choose something lighter or vegetarian. But I also enjoyed many bowls of rich cream based soup! We fed the kids around 5pm each night since our dinner seating was at 8:15. We would feed them pizza or hot dogs by the pool and well lets be honest that usually meant we had a pre dinner snack of fries and pizza too. For dinner we again would eat an appetizer, soup or salad and entree. I for some reason was really into the vegetarian dishes and Ryan always ordered fish. So even though we ate A LOT, most of what we ate was pretty nutritious. Of course after dinner came dessert! Oh the dessert was divine! We had dessert every night and it was a phenomenal. Traveling home we ate fast food. So you can see we indulged but I think the 3 days of exercise and the fact that as soon as we got back I was exercising again acted like a buffer. I worked out at my Mom's yesterday for 30 min and ran 5km this morning. Last night when we came home to a house with empty cupboards instead of ordering in junk we went to the groc store and got a low fat vegetable lasagna (seriously shocking behavior, who are these people?) Overall, I think the key to having had success in loosing some weight this past 10 months has been consistency. No matter what (26 stitches, 2nd degree burn, step throat, flu, cruise) I have kept moving.
So that being said I still weigh over 200 pounds. 208 pounds to be exact (far better than 260). I really really want to be under 200 pounds. I don't feel like a 200 pound girl anymore. I feel fit and healthy. I know the number on the scale is just that, and what I feel is much more important. But this is kind of big thing for me. I have weighed over 200 pounds for the last 10 years. So I am going to try harder, eat a little bit smarter and push it a little bit harder at the gym (in fact, this week I am going to officially register Ryan and I for the Army Half Marathon in Sept).
Who's with me?