Some say clothes make the person. Well they certainly do effect the way you feel. Wear your day to day frumpy 'mom' uniform and you feel like a frumpy mom. Put on your 'hot titty' bra and you feel sexy and hot. Its as simple as that, or is it?
Today I went shopping for some shorts for our upcoming cruise. I went in thinking I have lost weight, I feel good, I had a killer spin class today...I ROCK. I picked up the size 14 shorts. I tried to squeeze my POUCH into the shorts and literally had to stuff it in and pull with all my might to get the zipper done up. I guess I haven't lost as much weight as I thought. Kayleigh even yells out for all in the change rooms to hear "MOM those are pinching you." I swear I wish she had yelled out that I had farted. I tried on pair after pair of pants today and nothing looked good. I walked away feeling so deflated. Let me tell you I wanted to stop and buy some chocolate.
Later in the evening I decided to go through my closet and try on the things I had bought recently and some of my older clothes and lay out what I was going to wear on the cruise. I put on some of the shirts I had bought last summer and thought would still look good even though I had lost weight. Oh my goodness can we say CIRCUS TENT LOOK. I asked Ryan to come up and give me his opinion and he laughed. I tried on a pair of pants from last summer for him and we were both amazed at just how much my body had changed. Its felt so good to have concrete evidence right there. Its so easy to get caught in the distortion of the scale games, the size games, the I just ate the whole bag of Gourmet Candy Game...the games I play. I was actually feeling down about myself today because I couldn't fit in a size 14. I let that NUMBER do the same thing I have let the NUMBER on the scale do to me in the past. I let it undermine my self worth. I walked into the store today feeling like a FIT, Healthy, Mom and I left feeling like a fat frumpy mom who always eats to much candy.
So I take you back to my earlier question, do clothes make the woman, does the number make the woman? Certainly not! But when and how do we start to intuitively KNOW our self worth? How do we tune into ourselves? How do we quiet our critics? I don't have the answer to that, but I think I am getting closer.
PS. Again, at the gym today a woman got on the scale and then asked the women in the room if they thought it was accurate. She said that if it was she was going to cry. Again may I say this was a thin woman. Luckily, today a few of us started to talk about how stupid the scale was, and how it messes with our minds. I suggested we have a scale trashing party!