Thursday, June 3, 2010


I did a Step Aerobics class yesterday. The last time I had done one was in University. I was quite excited to try this out again. Back in my day I was quite the 'stepper' and I thought it would be like riding a bike. I also thought that physically I could handle it because my athletic ego was still inflated from my run for 20 min feat. I thought that if I only did one riser it would be very doable.

OH MY GOOD LORD.....I am NOT in step shape. The pace is incredibly quick, MANIC. Their is so much jumping, leaping, squatting, lunging, very quick changes in direction...and this is a lot of weight to jump shift and leap over that step. I had to stop and march in place or do the easy options many times. (I will insert that this was an advanced class...its the only one they have and a beginner one would have been much more appropriate)

Yet I DID IT...I kept MOVING...I stayed when I wanted to puke and bolt back to the safety of the treadmill.

The experience was quite the walk back in time. It was so 'weird' for lack of a better word to watch the instructor as she FLEW over the step. It looked like she was in a gravity free zone. I USED TO DO THAT. I really did. It was exciting to think that I will be able to do that again.

BUT I also remembered how obsessed I used to be. I had fun today when I worked out. I was nice to the people around me. I even laughed. When I use to workout I would have the worst anxiety prior to getting to the gym. I was so concerned with getting their early to get MY SPOT in class (up front, rightside). I was so concerned with doing everything harder than everyone else...more risers, not stopping, running through the moves. I am ashamed to admit that I would even purposely nudge kick or elbow someone that got in my way during a routine. I don't like that person. I don't like that person that would nose and try to see what weight people entered into the stair climbers. I don't like that person that would up her speed on the machines every time someone else did. I don't like that person that did not like herself.

How strange that this chubby girl, LOVES and LIKES HERSELF. How different this gym experience is.

How different my life is.

Thank-you God.

1 comment:

  1. So insightful. Thanks for sharing and I'm happy the monster the fear used to bring out in you is gone. You have change the experience for the better and are breaking so much ground.