Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Going strong

Still going strong....worked out 6 days last week.

Highlights:

1. Cardio Combat...LOVED LOVED this class, it was killer and so much fun.
2. I ran for 30 min straight on the treadmill at my parents house on a SAT Morning :)
3. Today I biked to the gym with the kids in tow on the trailer to do a pump class. The ride itself was a workout.

I have eaten really well, really listening to my body and whether or not it is hungry. Although today I started off eating a snack of baked cinnamon rice chips while hungry but kept eating when I was no longer hungry because I was ENJOYING the taste and texture so much (umm ate the whole bag).

While at my parents house I had a pretty big talk with my Dad about weight, his weight my weight. We are unfortunately somewhat intertwined on this. Its been a bit of a sore point throughout my life. I know that ultimately my actions are my own. Yet I also know that there has been a lot of influence in my life from my parents and in particular my father. From the pressures of competing in running to the pressures and scrutiny on my weight. Sometimes I think my appearance WAS more accepted by him when unhealthily thin than it is now mostly healthy and fat. My talk with my dad was really directed at him and my worries for him. He is diabetic because of his weight. My father like myself has an eating disorder.

I just wrote that my father and I have an eating disorder. I am hesitating to state that I HAVE an eating disorder. Honestly, I like to think that my eating disorder is in the past. I certainly have not had active BULIMIC or ANOREXIC behaviors in almost 10 years. Food and weight have not occupied my mind 24 hours a day in 10 years. I have loved my self most of the time in the last 10 years. Yet I am obese. YES OBESE (at least that is what the medical experts say). I do not feel UNHELATHY. I am more physically fit than my thin sister. I do not have any diseases. I am in good health. Yet I weigh 255 pounds, and I was starting to get out of breath doing physical things. My back was starting to hurt a little when standing for long periods. Sometimes my feet hurt, like they didn't like the weight of my body. Most of all I FELT UNCOMFORTABLE in my skin. I use the past tense because I have felt so much better since I joined the gym. When bulimic I felt uncomfortable in my skin and I hated my body and self. Now its like I have on my FAV JEANS but they are a just not fitting right. So yes I do not feel like I have an eating disorder currently. I do over eat. I am a compulsive eater. There is much emotion tied to my eating behaviors. Yet, I do not feel that I have an eating disorder.

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