Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Katie: Pregnancy test # 7

I have taken 7 (yep 7) pregnancy tests since Friday. Its now Wednesday and they have all been NEGATIVE. My period was due May 10th. (9 days ago). I feel pregnant of course....in my mind I have convinced myself that I can feel flutters in my tummy (even if I was you would not feel this). So I looked online yesterday to see what the possible causes of missed period are. Great the two that apply to me are either:

1. OVERWEIGHT....I have gained so much weight that not only has it effected my getting pregnant but I have also lost a course or courses.

or

2. Peri Menopause

Personally I think its the weight....HERE IT COMES....I WEIGH 258 pounds...officially the most I have ever weighed not being pregnant (I weighed 266 preggers).

I am pretty sure that at least 15 of those pounds have come over the last year dealing with the loss of pregnancy and the monthly games of AM I PREGNANT...I have definitely been stuffing my face for the moments of bliss and all is right to deal with the mind games I have played on myself.

Soooooooo....I am not playing any more...you don't play fair LOL. I am suiting the old boy up in armor and we are officially not trying. We will we in the future...maybe. But for now I am letting go of this, I am letting go of the games, the pressure, the hopes, all of it.

I am focusing on ME and my family...because I am lucky and I HAVE two beautiful girls and boy when they are not cranky they are A LOT OF FUN TO BE WITH :) and I am going to make the most of that :)

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